This is actually funny facts being a new mother (as in sarcastically “funny”. It’s so ridiculous up to the state you can’t tell whether to cry or laugh or throw up or do all three at the same time). I was going to write the title ‘Do you win a medal for being the best mama or what?’ but I had to restrained myself before going too deep and start wearing leotard trainers and getting a tan. Without further ado, here it goes:
A day in a park like no other day:
Mother no.1: “My baby can’t eat a thing, she only drinks milk. Whenever I gave her strained porridge, she…”
Mother no. 2 interrupts: “Porridge?! Christ-heaven, no no no… darling! That won’t do. How did you know it’s the precise amount of nutrition you fed her per day? Just buy (place baby food product) from the supermarket. Save you a lot of time and energy. Plus they added more nutrition…”
Mother no. 3 interrupts: “Buy them at the supermarket? Are you sure? We better cooked them on our own. Who knows what’s those things really made? Besides you’ll know a mother’s love from the chaps of her hands …”
Mother no. 2. and 5. stares in disbelief after some mothers silently nodded in approval.
Mother no. 2: “Are you saying that we don’t love ours as much as you love yours? Well, let’s see… Those foods you bragged so much, how can you know it’s really organic? More sources told us don’t trust them unless you planted or farmed them yourselves! How ’bout that!”
Mother no. 3 to Mother no. 1: “Well, I don’t mean that. It’s just… You will know for sure if…”
Mother no. 2 and 5. : “We damn well know it for sure!”
And you mothers out there will probably know the rest of the story.
A happily sincere non-complaining but tired mother has been spending the rest of her day tending and playing with her baby in an open, creative but baby proof space. Never let her out of her sight except for really important needs, she will put the baby in a save place (say a crib for an instance) no longer than 5 minutes. At nearly end of the afternoon came Grandma Barbara to visit her favorite grandniece.
Grandma Barbara: “Oh my! Look at this cute swollen adorable eyes! What have you been crying for, little angel? Tut tut tut… let Grandauntie take you out of this prison.”
Grandma Barbara taking little Jo from the crib. Little Jo still sobbing. Grandma Barbara put her in king size bed near the crib. As volatile as a baby is, Little Jo starts to clap her hands and smile her most endearing innocent smile.
Grandma Barbara to her niece: “See? It always works. I used to put my babies in bed and play with them. Never get tired of them and leave them alone like that. Poor angel. See how she smiles again?”
The niece: “Doh!” *sambil geleng-geleng kepala keluar dari ruangan (Have to write this part in Indonesian though).
This also counts for anyone who bears their first title using ‘Grand’ without space in between.
Reading mothers bragging about their babies or children in their social network’s status is always funny. Especially when they recite funny things their children said or do to point out how smart their children really is. More hilarious (or pathetic) if they use it as a tool to get praises for themselves and not really for her daughter or son. For instance:
Proud mommy on (pick social network): “Last weekend at my neighbor’s birthday party, this lovely lady came and tease my (insert son’s name) by asking if she can share his ice cream with her. He told her it’s not that good.”
Comments that follows: “He is so smart and he’s only 1 and a half!”, “Way to go, (insert your friend you want to kiss her ass son’s name)!”, “Genius! Like mother like son!”
The later comment though I’m sure as heaven (want to say ‘hell’ but too much swearing already) that it’s the devil himself talking.
Watching mommies using her children as a tool to compete against each other unconsciously but as often as they can be is also always funny. In fact I never saw one who doesn’t, didn’t or probably won’t, including myself. (Good thing though I still snap out of it from time to time)
Why do people kept asking this one stupid question. Adding to this madness, they’re waiting for us an answer which they already knew has to be in a positive outcome. Crazy still, if we give slightly different one, they will suggest you the supposedly right answer.
Q: “How do you feel at last as a new mother?” or “How’s parenthood/motherhood?”
A: “Well, it’s a mixed feeling…” (I bet you are expecting “Wonderful”, “Wow! I can’t really describe the bliss I’m having” sort of answer right? You know quite well you will never get an answer like, “It kinda sucked.” or “Not having one is better.” Jeez!)
Response: “Really? But it’s sooo amazing (or open thesaurus for out of this world expression), right? It’s like (And you can add your euphoria statement or your personal experience here). It’s like nothing we have felt before in our lives.” (Double Duh!)
Not that I didn’t feel all those feelings. I do. It’s just so outrageously redundant. But hey, I did asked those above questions and several times, too. So you’re not the only dimwit here.
So here we are. What can i say… Don’t take those things too seriously. I’m sure some of you just want to show how much you care and share some of these wonderful experience.
One thing is for sure, that motherhood is not always having to prove that you unconditionally love your children. Or showing off what it’s like to be the best for your little darlings.
You just do.
Moreover a friend told me children are not for competition. A baby just like human being is different than anyone else, the best care and nurturing methods are different than any babies there are.
Enough of these redundant (yes, I use ‘redundant’ twice) lectures. I promise this is the one last thing…
You are the mom, you know what’s best for them.
It is the blown tails of ribbons red fluttering, waving “hi”.
